July 24th, 2016 - Leah Singer

It was overcast the morning of July 24, 2016 as I loaded up my black Honda CR-V with its air conditioning being held together with a can of Arctic Freeze automotive refrigerant. Like many San Diego summer days, the June gloom had extended well into July. The Bekins moving truck had already hauled away everything we owned. What was left — Sophie (my 8-year-old daughter), two dogs, a cat, pet food, a litter box, blankets and pillows, suitcases, important documents, and a houseplant — went into the car for a road trip to our new home in Terre Haute, Indiana.

Before we left, I walked across the street and with teary eyes took one last photo of my house and its California drought-laden lawn. I got into the car, slipped on dark sunglasses and tucked behind my ears my curly brown hair that was way too short for my round face. I started the ignition, tested the air conditioner (it worked!), and eastbound we drove.

I didn’t know that day I left San Diego what my life would look like in Indiana. I hadn’t even visited, nor did I know a single person there. All I had was fear, anticipation and a willingness to embrace whatever life would throw at me. 

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When my husband first approached me with the idea of moving to Indiana for a job, I said, “Sure, go for it!” and immediately put the idea out of my mind. I didn’t think he would actually apply for that job. But he got the job and the next thing I knew, I was packing 11 years of life into boxes and doing online home tours with a real estate agent in Terre Haute. 

At 40-years-old, I thought the life in front of me was all it was ever meant to be. There were parts of my life that left me incredibly fulfilled. I had clients and a freelance writing career I loved. Sophie and I were extremely close. I had good friends, volunteered at the elementary school, and my parents and sisters lived just miles from me.

But even with all those good things, there was a deep current of sadness that I carried every single day. I was nearly 50 pounds overweight and wore baggy clothing that hid my physical body. It also hid the shame of the deep unhappiness I had in my marriage — feelings I would NEVER admit out loud (or even to myself). 

I led a sedentary life. Not because I wanted to, but because I believed I was not a physically strong or capable person. Childhood memories of being picked last in Physical Education classes and struggling through the dreaded one-mile run convinced me that running (and exercise in general) just was not for me. That belief followed me into adulthood, where work, parenting, chronic hip pain, and countless other responsibilities made it easy to remain sedentary. By the time my daughter was in elementary school, exercise had become an occasional afterthought. I had every excuse to keep me spending my days indoors and evenings on the couch. And I accepted that an active lifestyle simply was not part of who I was.

Even my house gave me anxiety. It was full of unfinished home improvement projects that my husband swore he’d finish and never did. The backyard was a blanket of dirt and cluttered debris. And no matter how much I decorated or loved my belongings, I never truly felt comfortable in my home.

At the time, leaving San Diego was the scariest thing I’d ever done. Everything that was familiar — the house, my childhood home, my family and friends, every school I attended and job I worked, my entire history, and every memory I made — were all in the rearview mirror, as I drove from west to east. 

Four days later, we arrived in Terre Haute where Sophie and I took a selfie in front of a sign that read, “Welcome to Indiana: The Crossroads of America.” 

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Ten years later, I am no longer in an unhappy marriage, as I finally summoned the courage to face my fears and tell my husband I wanted a divorce. And even through all the pain that came with that process, being a single parent to Sophie has been an incredible gift that has instilled so much strength in both of us. 

Running has become one of the greatest joys of my life. I have run marathons, ultramarathons, half marathons, 10k and 5k races, and all the miles in between. I’ve run around the Indy 500 track, around Washington, D.C. monuments, along the Big Sur Pacific coast, next to the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee, through the Manistee National Forest of North Country Michigan, just to name a few. 

I still love my writing work, and I’m now a college writing teacher and cross country/track coach at the collegiate level. The idea of running — let alone being a running coach — ten years ago was unfathomable. I own a house that I love, that truly feels like a home, where I feel at peace every time I walk through the door. 

Today, in 2026, nearly everything that came with me from my old San Diego life is gone — both dogs, the cat, my marriage, the bed I slept in and couch I lounged on, all the clothing I owned and the 45+ extra pounds that occupied them, even the Honda that took me here. Sophie remains, of course. But later this year, she will start her own journey as she moves to New York City for college. 

It’s sometimes hard for me to think back at the person I was ten years ago. There’s a lot of pain I see when I look at old photos of myself. But more and more, I try to look at myself through a lens of compassion. I remind myself that I didn’t know then that life could be any different. And 40-year-old me deserves the same love that 50-year-old me now feels.

On July 24, 2016, I didn’t know that moving to Indiana was not only a physical milestone, but a symbolic one as well. The years that followed are nothing like I expected them to be, but I’m glad I summoned the courage to take that step and leave the life I knew. Because it’s here — 2,000 miles and ten years from where I started — that I am truly myself.

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Leah Singer is a freelance writer and editor. She teaches college writing and coaches cross country/track at Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College in Terre Haute, Indiana. She has developed a niche within higher education and for small businesses, writing content designed for prospective students, alumni, and friends of universities and organizations. Leah’s published writing has appeared in USA Today, Indianapolis Star, The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project, Edible Indy and Edible San Diego magazines, Terre Haute Living and Tribune Star, Thought Catalog, and numerous other publications. Leah enjoys running, reading (especially reading outside), traveling, collecting vinyl and listening to music, cooking, and spending time with her daughter, Sophie. You can connect with Leah and read her work at leahsthoughts.com. 

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